What does it mean to love? I always asked myself.
I loved my parents and my siblings and all our pets. But I could never put a finger on what that feeling meant. So, how was I supposed to know if I really loved her? There she was, next to me, looking at me with questions. How could I look her in the eyes and say “I love you” when I didn’t know what it meant?
I think this was why all my relationships failed. I was always looking for the proverbial thunder and lightning. I thought, when I’d meet the right person I’d have some overwhelming, gut wrenching feeling, and that would be love.
No wonder, I learned the hard way.
We met two days after I broke up with Alisha… on my first day at a new job. I was in a daze, and I walked right into her; and, the coffee in her mug was now on my shirt. Somewhere in the middle of us profusely apologising to each other, we broke into a smile. I told her it was okay, and we carried on.
About a week later, we spotted each other in the smoking area. She offered to buy me a drink, to make up for my coffee-stained T shirt. And, I never pass up on free drinks… So, we were on.
We had a great time that evening. We had so much in common, so much to talk about and so much to laugh about. The friendship that started there, blossomed into a beautiful relationship, which culminated that night when she told me she loved me. And I couldn’t whisper a word back to her.
That hurt her, of course. It’s hard to be with someone, knowing they don’t feel the same way.